COALITION SPACE FORCES

Academy Entrance Examination

 

Joining the Coalition Space Forces is the single greatest thing you will ever do in your life.

 

Please complete the Coalition Space Forces Academy Entrance Exam. Your answers will be submitted to the Academy via subspace and you will receive a reply with your results via archaic Earth-based electronic mail.

Name:
E-mail:

1. What is the brightest star as seen from Earth?
Rigel.
Sol.
Sirius.
Leonardo DiCaprio.

2. How many Siriuns does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
None; it's all right, their mothers will sit here in the dark.
One; how hard is it?
427.
Siriuns don't use light-bulbs; their lighting technology is far more advanced than ours.

3. Who is the most famous Captain in Coalition Space Forces history?
James R. Kirk.
Elena Reddy.
Tatsuo "Robert" Koyanagi.
Leonardo DiCaprio.

4. If one starship leaves the Montrosian Nebula traveling at 96,000 times the speed of light, and another starship leaves the Napoyan Sector traveling at 63,000 times the speed of light, what time will they meet?
6,048,000,000 light years.
five days ago.
in time for dinner.
never, if Ensign Chelm is at the helm.

5. A "Chudthunker" is:
A problem in the Electrostolic Energy Tube.
A problem in a Eurekan female's Fallopian Tube.
The way to a Siriun's two hearts.
Device used to remove stoppages from a starship toilet.

6. If challenged to a duel to the death by a Coronadoid, the best response is:
Step on it, and leave quickly.
Apologize profusely in the proper Coronadoid ritualistic intonation for wrongs real and imagined, even if you didn't do anything wrong.
Ignore it.
Accept the challenge.

7. If you encounter an Extremeoid, which of the following will DEFINITELY occur very soon?
You will have a bad day.
You will encounter another Extremeoid.
You will have the irresistible urge to dance the Macarena.
All of the above.

8. What is the distance from Earth to Sol?
93 million miles.
two feet.
it depends on who is driving.
1,035.673 kilometers.

9. What is the best way to prepare to be greeted by a Visalian?
Hide.
Duck.
Insert padding in your shirtsleeves.
Say, "Greet my mother-in-law."

10. What should you do if a Siriun points his Thingy at you?
Hide.
Duck.
Say, "Is that a Thingy or are you just glad to see me?"
Prepare to become part of Venetarian Salad.

11. What is the best way to prepare for a date with a Visalian female?
Hide.
Duck.
Hide your duck.
Take several years of martial arts training.

12. What is the best way to prepare for a date with a Visalian male?
Hide.
Duck.
Prepare a list of demands.
Choose one.

13. Why is Kroog Ralamar, of the planet Eureka, famous?
He invented the resynthesized protein molecules we eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks.
He invented the reconstituted Hydrogen Dioxide we drink with the aforementioned protein molecules.
He invented the all-purpose abrasive material that doubles as Coalition-Issue toilet paper.
He left home at age seventeen and didn't tell his mother where he was going.

14. Why?
Because.
Why not?
The left-fielder.
This question requires more specificity before it can be answered.

15. Coalition Space Forces starships are powered by what fuel substance?
A controlled matter/anti-matter reaction in a warp core.
Vitamin B-12.
Charged ions.
Beans.